Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want a musical about memes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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