The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
