Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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