i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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