I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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