I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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