So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
