i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
