Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
