evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
