dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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