I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
