I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
