T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
