didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
