So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
