if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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