maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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