He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
