I could have mohawked her pubes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
