I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
