Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
