what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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