i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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