Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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