On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
