They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
