She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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