Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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