4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
