i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
