i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He better not be in your backpack
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
