Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
