Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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