I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
