According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's never too late to be topless.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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