No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I met the friendliest cop last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
