hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Found the puke drawer
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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