I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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