she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
