Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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