There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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