we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
