We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
