He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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