i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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