I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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