They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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