Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
