I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
