DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
