I skipped work to stalk him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
