bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my shit smells like andre
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you will always have a special place in my vag
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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