guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
